Monday, April 27, 2015
Chicken wings with Johnny Depp..
We are sitting at a long table. The extended family and I . The nieces have left and now it has become a bunch of empty chairs, fried rice all over the table and a plate of chicken wings I am sharing with Johnny Depp. "How do you like the chicken wings, Johnny", I ask.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Just say "no"to TV before bed
I've said it before and I'll say it again. TV before bed is a terrible idea. Especially scary shows like, "Criminal Minds", for example. It used to be "Walking Dead" but I began to her zombies breathing as I fell asleep. So I switched it to "Criminal Minds". I think I should just stick to card games. Or board games. Just not "Sorry" I really do not like that game.
The door bell rings. I tell the person I am with not to answer the door but they go ahead and open the door anyway. A man and an older woman are standing on my front steps holding a dead cat. I can tell by her hands she does not have good intentions. The woman holding the dead cat wants to come in my house and is pretending she needs help. I keep shouting not to let the woman in and I can not stop talking about her hands and how they are evil and terrible. The woman enters my house and begins to hold us hostage. My sister is in the corner documenting everything in her journal. I try to call 911 but there is a cell phone blocker on my phone and my call to 911 will not go through. I drag the man outside to my front steps and my driveway becomes a busy street. I knock the maneuver and he falls down. I begin to hit him in the head with a metal pole. At first his head starts to bleed slightly and as I continue to hit him, the wound gets bigger and bigger until his skull splits open and the insides of his head fall out.
The door bell rings. I tell the person I am with not to answer the door but they go ahead and open the door anyway. A man and an older woman are standing on my front steps holding a dead cat. I can tell by her hands she does not have good intentions. The woman holding the dead cat wants to come in my house and is pretending she needs help. I keep shouting not to let the woman in and I can not stop talking about her hands and how they are evil and terrible. The woman enters my house and begins to hold us hostage. My sister is in the corner documenting everything in her journal. I try to call 911 but there is a cell phone blocker on my phone and my call to 911 will not go through. I drag the man outside to my front steps and my driveway becomes a busy street. I knock the maneuver and he falls down. I begin to hit him in the head with a metal pole. At first his head starts to bleed slightly and as I continue to hit him, the wound gets bigger and bigger until his skull splits open and the insides of his head fall out.
Math and (not so) great shoes
Math.. It scares me. I know it shouldn't but it does. Like a clown, for example. Clowns are not supposed to be scary but they are. That's how I feel about math.
Our math lady at school isn't scary at all. She's smart. I admire her because she is tall and not afraid of math. Yes, my standards aren't that high. But from my perspective being tall and great at math is something I will never ever be!
Her voice is in my dream. She is talking matter of factly, clear as day and confidently stating, "I like her, I simply don't like her shoes".
She is metaphorically speaking.
Our math lady at school isn't scary at all. She's smart. I admire her because she is tall and not afraid of math. Yes, my standards aren't that high. But from my perspective being tall and great at math is something I will never ever be!
Her voice is in my dream. She is talking matter of factly, clear as day and confidently stating, "I like her, I simply don't like her shoes".
She is metaphorically speaking.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
The news gives me nightmares
The news. It just kills me. All that bad news. All that drama. Those fake people, wearing fancy jewelry and made-up hair. Not to be rude or judgmental but I think they love the drama. I don't watch the news because it just makes me angry. It makes me angry that people can be really messed up and do terrible things to others and it makes me angry that it seems as if reporters and newscasters love reporting out drama but also in a messed up way, subconsciously direct the viewers to feel a certain way just by the tone of their voice they use when reporting out. I try to stay away from things that make me extremely and unusually angry and I could go on and on about my anger issues but this is not an anger issue blog so I will mention my top 2 for today, and probably another issue may just sneak in:
stepping in dog shit, the asshole governor (who also happens to be very lucky I didn't stop and tell him exactly how I felt when I ran into him on Maple Sugar Sunday, one day last winter) and people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves.. which brings me directly to my dream. Yes, I know I don't have to watch the news right up to going to bed, and in reality, I shouldn't because it gives me nightmares, and no one forces me, but sometimes youtube can be addicting. If you are one of the 3 people following my blog, you will know I love YouTube and rainbow sprinkles. I ended up watching some terribly scary news clip about blah blah blah and an incredibly scary looking guy who right when I saw his face, I knew I had to keep watching or I'd have nightmares but I couldn't keep watching because I was so scared...
I am in a hotel room. It is more of a suite that I am sharing and I am looking into the bedroom where a man and women are both laying on a bed and having a good time. In my mind, I know this is going to end really badly but I can not tell if it is because this bald headed man told me or it is just a gut feeling. All of a sudden he swings her around and she begins screaming. I try to run toward her, around the corner, but I can not save her and right then, I know he will kill her. And he does. And in my dream I watch it all. And it is not fast.
Then, the very next night…
A large and shiny animal, a cross between a hippo and a dinosaur is being killed right in front of me. The person killing it keeps saying, "This is bloodletting". We are inside a large room that seems to echo. It is cold.
stepping in dog shit, the asshole governor (who also happens to be very lucky I didn't stop and tell him exactly how I felt when I ran into him on Maple Sugar Sunday, one day last winter) and people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves.. which brings me directly to my dream. Yes, I know I don't have to watch the news right up to going to bed, and in reality, I shouldn't because it gives me nightmares, and no one forces me, but sometimes youtube can be addicting. If you are one of the 3 people following my blog, you will know I love YouTube and rainbow sprinkles. I ended up watching some terribly scary news clip about blah blah blah and an incredibly scary looking guy who right when I saw his face, I knew I had to keep watching or I'd have nightmares but I couldn't keep watching because I was so scared...
I am in a hotel room. It is more of a suite that I am sharing and I am looking into the bedroom where a man and women are both laying on a bed and having a good time. In my mind, I know this is going to end really badly but I can not tell if it is because this bald headed man told me or it is just a gut feeling. All of a sudden he swings her around and she begins screaming. I try to run toward her, around the corner, but I can not save her and right then, I know he will kill her. And he does. And in my dream I watch it all. And it is not fast.
Then, the very next night…
A large and shiny animal, a cross between a hippo and a dinosaur is being killed right in front of me. The person killing it keeps saying, "This is bloodletting". We are inside a large room that seems to echo. It is cold.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
My Blog… My rules
June 4, 2014
Why do I dream? Why do I dream about the future? Why, sometimes, do I dream about the past? Why do I dream about sex, ice cream, falling, swimming cats, running, people I love, people I don't care about,being chased or chasing? Why do I dream about loud music, bright sounds and complete silence? Why do I dream about people in my past, my current waking life and people I have never (yet) met? Why do you dream?
She appeared in my principal's office one morning without notice. Fancy and clean, a touch snobby and put together in a stylish fashion. In a way, she thought she was better than everyone else (but this is my dream and my rules). Her name was Fern Lawn and she was the new principal. The office was bright and sunny and her dark blue business suit was clean and pressed and perfectly tailored. She was here to run the show and knew exactly what she was doing. No one asked any questions. She was here to stay with her fancy mahogany matching desk set and engraved fountain pen set.
Within two months of having this dream, my current and favorite boss/principal resigned and Fern Lawn has not entered my sleeping life more than once. She is also a topic at dinner conversations and sometimes lunch.
Why do I dream? Why do I dream about the future? Why, sometimes, do I dream about the past? Why do I dream about sex, ice cream, falling, swimming cats, running, people I love, people I don't care about,being chased or chasing? Why do I dream about loud music, bright sounds and complete silence? Why do I dream about people in my past, my current waking life and people I have never (yet) met? Why do you dream?
She appeared in my principal's office one morning without notice. Fancy and clean, a touch snobby and put together in a stylish fashion. In a way, she thought she was better than everyone else (but this is my dream and my rules). Her name was Fern Lawn and she was the new principal. The office was bright and sunny and her dark blue business suit was clean and pressed and perfectly tailored. She was here to run the show and knew exactly what she was doing. No one asked any questions. She was here to stay with her fancy mahogany matching desk set and engraved fountain pen set.
Within two months of having this dream, my current and favorite boss/principal resigned and Fern Lawn has not entered my sleeping life more than once. She is also a topic at dinner conversations and sometimes lunch.
J.S.
January 17, 2014
He was a good soul. He was kind and he was an amazing teacher. He was a good friend. Since he has passed away, I have dreamt about him twice. This part of his story needs to be told. This story is who Jeremy really was.
I met Jeremy when I needed a friend most. I had just moved to Philly after spending 10 years in Seattle and I had not one single friend in this big dirty city. Speckles was in nursing school and I was unbelivably lonely and sad. No one knew the extent of my sadness. I never ever knew I could feel such a deep and dark level of depression and darkness. I had dark thoughts. Philly was very different from Seattle. The smells, the sounds, the people and the schools. The schools had metal detectors and security guards. I was working as a full time special education teacher between two schools. One of the schools I worked at had a principal who was terrified to leave her office. She had good reason to. She was awful. The kind of awful, that would give me aniexty attacks on the way to school and wake me up around 4:00AM on the days I had to be there. The kind of awful that still causes me anger when I think about it, but mostly, the kind of awful that reminds me that my very worst day today, would not even compare to my very "best" day at that school. The second school I worked at was very different. The staff was a lot nicer. This is where I met Jeremy. The very first day, he took me around to meet the other teachers and staff. We became friends fast. He reminded me of a professor, or more so I saw him as a being a professor one day. He was too good. Too good for this school and too good for this dirty ass city where no one gave a shit about anyone else. He was extremely intelligent but often grumpy and spent a lot of his day mumbling shit under his breath. Maybe because he was smarter than everybody else and he knew that. We sat in his classroom and talked. We played video games on the computer. We went out for lunch, often coming back late. He was a great teacher. He opened his classroom doors to everybody, students on IEPs or not, it did not matter to him. He had so many students coming in and out of his classroom, he told me he thought about looking his door, and he did, for only two days. After he unlocked his door, students continued to congregate in his room. Family Night rolled around. He and I, because we shared a caseload of students looked forward to meeting the guardians and parents of our students. As Jeremy and I talked, a parent walked in looking for Jeremy. Jeremy stepped forward to introduce himself and instead of the parent thanking Jeremy for his hard work, for supporting his child, for being a mentor.... the pissed off parent told Jeremy to stay away from his kid, reminding everybody in the room that his kid was "not special ed". Jeremy was very kind and polite about it. He was agreeable and patient. Jeremy did not mention how desperatly this kid needed a friend, guidance and support. Jeremy did not mention anything about always keeping his classroom door open for everyone. The parent walked out. This for me was one more reason to hate this city. Not Jeremy. If he ever cared, he didn't talk about it. Ever. We stayed in touch, on and off. We talked and texted. In August, I invited him up to Maine to stay with me and Speckles because I knew he was going through a rough time. He agreed it was a good idea. He talked about moving to New York and starting over. He talked about buying a house in another city. I told him Maine would be a great place to start….
He took his own life 2 weeks after our last conversation. He became an organ donor. I wonder who got his heart. Two days ago, he turned 29. Forever 29.
#1 I am walking around my old school in Philly. The halls are packed with students wearing their typical uniforms of light blue button down shirts and navy blue pants. Everybody looks the same and I am struggling through the crowded hallways looking for him. I ask everybody I see if they have seen him. I don't wait for an answer, I move on to the next person.
#2 I am laying down looking at the sky. He comes and lays down next to me. I look over at him, look away and then look at him. I am surprised to see him because I know he is gone.The very first thing I notice is his expression. He looks..angry? Sad? He says, "This sucks. It is no fun. Don't do it"
He was a good soul. He was kind and he was an amazing teacher. He was a good friend. Since he has passed away, I have dreamt about him twice. This part of his story needs to be told. This story is who Jeremy really was.
I met Jeremy when I needed a friend most. I had just moved to Philly after spending 10 years in Seattle and I had not one single friend in this big dirty city. Speckles was in nursing school and I was unbelivably lonely and sad. No one knew the extent of my sadness. I never ever knew I could feel such a deep and dark level of depression and darkness. I had dark thoughts. Philly was very different from Seattle. The smells, the sounds, the people and the schools. The schools had metal detectors and security guards. I was working as a full time special education teacher between two schools. One of the schools I worked at had a principal who was terrified to leave her office. She had good reason to. She was awful. The kind of awful, that would give me aniexty attacks on the way to school and wake me up around 4:00AM on the days I had to be there. The kind of awful that still causes me anger when I think about it, but mostly, the kind of awful that reminds me that my very worst day today, would not even compare to my very "best" day at that school. The second school I worked at was very different. The staff was a lot nicer. This is where I met Jeremy. The very first day, he took me around to meet the other teachers and staff. We became friends fast. He reminded me of a professor, or more so I saw him as a being a professor one day. He was too good. Too good for this school and too good for this dirty ass city where no one gave a shit about anyone else. He was extremely intelligent but often grumpy and spent a lot of his day mumbling shit under his breath. Maybe because he was smarter than everybody else and he knew that. We sat in his classroom and talked. We played video games on the computer. We went out for lunch, often coming back late. He was a great teacher. He opened his classroom doors to everybody, students on IEPs or not, it did not matter to him. He had so many students coming in and out of his classroom, he told me he thought about looking his door, and he did, for only two days. After he unlocked his door, students continued to congregate in his room. Family Night rolled around. He and I, because we shared a caseload of students looked forward to meeting the guardians and parents of our students. As Jeremy and I talked, a parent walked in looking for Jeremy. Jeremy stepped forward to introduce himself and instead of the parent thanking Jeremy for his hard work, for supporting his child, for being a mentor.... the pissed off parent told Jeremy to stay away from his kid, reminding everybody in the room that his kid was "not special ed". Jeremy was very kind and polite about it. He was agreeable and patient. Jeremy did not mention how desperatly this kid needed a friend, guidance and support. Jeremy did not mention anything about always keeping his classroom door open for everyone. The parent walked out. This for me was one more reason to hate this city. Not Jeremy. If he ever cared, he didn't talk about it. Ever. We stayed in touch, on and off. We talked and texted. In August, I invited him up to Maine to stay with me and Speckles because I knew he was going through a rough time. He agreed it was a good idea. He talked about moving to New York and starting over. He talked about buying a house in another city. I told him Maine would be a great place to start….
He took his own life 2 weeks after our last conversation. He became an organ donor. I wonder who got his heart. Two days ago, he turned 29. Forever 29.
#1 I am walking around my old school in Philly. The halls are packed with students wearing their typical uniforms of light blue button down shirts and navy blue pants. Everybody looks the same and I am struggling through the crowded hallways looking for him. I ask everybody I see if they have seen him. I don't wait for an answer, I move on to the next person.
#2 I am laying down looking at the sky. He comes and lays down next to me. I look over at him, look away and then look at him. I am surprised to see him because I know he is gone.The very first thing I notice is his expression. He looks..angry? Sad? He says, "This sucks. It is no fun. Don't do it"
Friday, August 9, 2013
A Looping Dream and Ja'Makin me crazy!
You Tube. It's dangerous! You want to learn how to make amazing meatless meatballs, also called cheatballs? Go to YouTube. You want to learn how to stack wood so it does not cave in? How about put together a drum set? Oh, I almost forgot... Want to see a skydiving- scuba diving cat? Or, watch a cat eat with chopsticks and another cat use the toliet? Yep, you guessed it, YouTube! Not only is YouTube entertaining, it is also addicting and watching it before bed may lead to some very bizzare dreams.
I am driving in a parking lot when a lady of Jamician decent,wearing a fancy dress and red checkered headscarf cuts me off, reverses her bright blue mini-van (with the doors open) at full speed and crashes into a parked car and speeds away. The windows of the car she crashed into shatters and the roof collapse and I shout out to her, "What are you doing? You need to pay for this" She yells back in a thick accent, "Leave me alone!" I start driving after her, chasing her down in my car and as she zig zags through city blocks. I try to get closer to her car and read her license plate but I can not remember the numbers on her plate, no matter how many times I read the numbers. I reach for my cell phone to call 911. A recording comes on telling me 911 can not be of any assistance because my area code does not match the city I am in. I lose her car, take a couple of turns and catch up with her, try to read her plate, can't remember the numbers and call 911. A recording comes on telling me 911 can not be of any assistance because my area code does not match the city I am in. I lose her car, take a couple of turns and catch up again...
I am driving in a parking lot when a lady of Jamician decent,wearing a fancy dress and red checkered headscarf cuts me off, reverses her bright blue mini-van (with the doors open) at full speed and crashes into a parked car and speeds away. The windows of the car she crashed into shatters and the roof collapse and I shout out to her, "What are you doing? You need to pay for this" She yells back in a thick accent, "Leave me alone!" I start driving after her, chasing her down in my car and as she zig zags through city blocks. I try to get closer to her car and read her license plate but I can not remember the numbers on her plate, no matter how many times I read the numbers. I reach for my cell phone to call 911. A recording comes on telling me 911 can not be of any assistance because my area code does not match the city I am in. I lose her car, take a couple of turns and catch up with her, try to read her plate, can't remember the numbers and call 911. A recording comes on telling me 911 can not be of any assistance because my area code does not match the city I am in. I lose her car, take a couple of turns and catch up again...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)